by Ted LoRusso

I said, “I can’t decide”

He said I should choose God

            Because God will Save me

                        (even tho’ I am by nature unsalvageable)

            Because God will Love me

                        (even tho’ I am by nature unlovable)

            Because God will lift me in His Arms

                        (even tho’ I’m twenty pounds over the limit and quite cumbersome)

Then he leaped—a born-again gazelle—and said

“God knows exactly what you do late at night under your sheets.

So you’d better choose now, before He ups and Smites you.”

Okay Okay Okay, I said

I choose, I choose, Let me see, I choose …

What? he demanded

The Quarter-Pounder … with cheese!

Crestfallen, he asked,

“Did you ever like ever believe in Him?

Because if you don’t believe in God, He will die.”

Oh No Oh No Oh No I said

If God’s Dead

Better

Give me a Fish Fillet Sammich

Instead